novellk Chapter 1702 Final Chapter: She'an Chapter [46] "Good son, bad son."
Chapter 1702 Final Chapter: She'an Chapter [46] "Good son, bad son."
Chapter 1702 Final Chapter: The Shore Crossing [46]: "Good son, bad son."
Inside were several carbonized exercise books, some charred toy remains, and a blackened diary.
He quickly opened his diary.
……
[Li Mingcheng's Mother's Private Diary]
Record life, record time, wishing family good health.
……
...This must be the diary of that terrifying grandmother.
Judging from the beginning, the handwriting is neat and the writing style is positive, not at all like that monster covered in blood, with carbonized skin, and carrying an axe.
Su Ming'an continued reading.
……
[Sunday, March 12, 2023, Sunny]
Mingcheng moved back to his old house today.
He dragged his suitcase into the room where he grew up, and I stood at the door watching him carry in box after box of medical books.
He said hoarsely, "Mom, let's put these books in the attic. We won't need them for now."
I nodded.
[For dinner, I made braised pork ribs, his favorite dish from childhood. The meat was tender and the bones were falling apart, with a rich, flavorful sauce. He buried his head in his food and ate two bowls of rice, then choked up as he said, "Home-cooked meals are still the best."]
[That one sentence almost brought me to tears. My son is home, that's enough.]
……
[Saturday, March 18, 2023, Cloudy]
Mingcheng almost never goes out. Every morning when I come back from grocery shopping, I always see him sitting on the balcony, staring blankly at the old locust tree below. Spring buds are already sprouting, but he seems to be stuck in the cold winter.
Today I tried asking him to help pick the vegetables. He took the spinach, his gaze wandering far away, and it took him a while to come back to his senses.
"Mom," he suddenly said, "my former director, Mr. Liu, sent me a message today. He said he wanted to invite me to an academic conference. I declined."
"Why don't you go and listen?" I asked gently.
He shook his head, his voice low: "I'm not qualified. A doctor whose license has been revoked and who has caused the death of patients is not qualified to sit there listening to others talk about how to save lives."
I remained silent for a long time.
……
[Sunday, March 19, 2023, Rain]
I began to slowly understand what he was going through. Television news no longer featured "genius young doctor Li Mingcheng," and online articles that once praised him were now filled with angry accusations. He had packed away his old medical books and medical records. Sometimes he would stare blankly at his old certificates of merit for an entire day, sighing heavily.
……
[Saturday, March 25, 2023, Rain]
At 2 a.m., I was awakened by a slight noise in the attic.
I put on my coat and went upstairs, pushing open the slightly ajar door. Mingcheng was sitting on the floor, surrounded by old notebooks and stacks of documents. The lamplight cast a dim, yellowish glow.
[A surgical record lay open before him, a gift from his advisor upon graduation, with an inscription: "To the best surgeon of the future."]
"Mom?" He looked up, his face streaked with tears, and hurriedly wiped them away with his sleeve. "Did I wake you?"
I sat down beside him, and he suddenly rested his forehead on my shoulder; the forty-two-year-old man was as vulnerable as a four-year-old child.
"Mom... I just wanted to save him. That case was very complicated, we used all the conventional methods... The new drug was evaluated by the hospital and had a theoretical basis, and the family was begging us... Why did it end up like that? I watched his vital signs disappear... Am I so guilty?"
I gently patted his back, just like when I was comforting him when he had nightmares as a child: "Son, Mom doesn't understand your medical stuff, but Mom knows you're not a god. You did your best."
He said, trembling, “But everything we learned in the first half of our lives is stained with blood. The moment I pick up a scalpel, I see that patient’s face. The association revoked my license… I’m no longer fit to practice medicine.”
"Mom, will I... will I only ever see dead people in the future? Will I never be able to save anyone again...?"
"My child," I said, "I don't understand medicine, but I've taught my whole life. I remember a student who worked very hard, but suddenly developed a fever before the college entrance exam and failed. He later said to me, 'Teacher, am I destined to fail?'"
Mingcheng looked up at me.
I said, "I asked him, 'Will all the days and nights you've spent working hard and everything you've learned disappear because of one exam?' He said no. I said, 'Then your life won't be doomed to failure because of one setback?' He also said no."
"Mingcheng, you are not a god. Doctors can cure diseases, but they cannot conquer all death. This is not a sin, but a human limitation."
"Heaven and earth give us life, let us experience toil, give us comfort in old age, and let us rest in death. Life and death are natural processes, and doctors are people who do their best in the natural process, not gods who control life and death."
"A single, irreversible accident cannot erase everything. Your skills are not limited to surgery; you can use your abilities to do other things, perhaps not the path you want to take, but still a worthwhile one."
We sat in the attic until dawn. As we were leaving, he suddenly grabbed my hand and said, "Mom, thank you, I know what to do now."
[Silly child, I'm the one who should be saying thank you. Thank you for being willing to come home, for letting me see your wounds.]
……
[Wednesday, April 5, 2023, Cloudy]
Today is Qingming Festival, and Mingcheng and I went to sweep the old man's grave.
He prepared meticulously, buying the old man's favorite Longjing tea and a bouquet of white chrysanthemums. At the grave, he respectfully kowtowed three times and whispered something for a long time.
I couldn't hear the specifics, but I saw him wiping his eyes as he spoke. Finally, he said, "Dad, I'll take good care of Mom, don't worry."
On the bus ride home, gazing at the scenery rushing past the window, he suddenly said, "Mom, I want to continue my previous research. Now that I've lost my job, I can focus on it."
"Okay," I said. "Just tell Mom if you need anything."
……
[Sunday, April 16, 2023, sunny]
Today is a good day!
This morning, the publisher sent me a sample copy of my new book, titled "Gleanings: A Language Teacher's Reading Notes." I've been organizing old manuscripts in my spare time since retiring, and I never expected it to actually be published. The cover is elegant, a pale beige background with a few ginkgo leaves—just the style I like.
Mingcheng was even more excited than I was. He held the book, turning it over and over, his fingers tracing the cover, his eyes sparkling: "Mom, it's so beautiful! The preface is so well written... and the layout is great too..."
He quietly went out in the afternoon, and when he returned, he was carrying a small cake and a bunch of pale purple irises.
"Mom," he solemnly handed me the flowers, "you're truly remarkable. These articles will still be read decades later. That's what truly endures. Mom, you've always been someone I respect. You were then, you are now, and you will always be... I won't let you suffer from illness; I'll help you live a long and healthy life, to a ripe old age."
He looked at me solemnly, his eyes seeming to hold something more. I saw a certain determination in them… What was he going to do? In short, he had finally stood up again.
[This child… I should be the one saying those words to him. But seeing how genuinely happy he is for me warms my heart.]
……
[Friday, May 12, 2023, Sunny]
Xiao Bao's birthday is next week! Mingcheng has already started making preparations secretly.
[A large cardboard box arrived today, and Mingcheng was being very secretive, not letting me see it. He only opened it after Xiaobao went to his nap—it was a starry sky projector, supposedly capable of projecting the entire Milky Way.]
While studying the instruction manual, Mingcheng said, "Xiaobao saw in a science book last time that he wanted to go to a planetarium. Since he can't go now, I'll build him a home planetarium."
He spent the entire afternoon in the attic adjusting the music, and I could hear him humming a lullaby coming from upstairs... Oh dear, it was the lullaby I used to sing to him when he was little.
[At dusk, he excitedly pulled us upstairs; the attic had been decorated like a starry sky. The instant the lights were turned off, the deep blue night sky flowed across the entire roof. Countless points of light flickered, and the Milky Way spun slowly like a luminous ribbon.]
"Wow—" Xiao Bao opened his mouth wide and jumped up happily, "Daddy! Stars! There are stars!"
Mingcheng picked him up and began to tell a story: "Look, those seven stars lined up look like a lighthouse... People use it to find their way..."
Xiao Bao listened intently, his little hand gesturing in the air.
[I secretly took a picture of this scene with my phone. The father and son were snuggling together. Mingcheng's face was completely free of gloom, and Xiaobao was smiling happily.]
If only time could stand still at this moment.
……
[Sunday, June 18, 2023, hot and humid]
For some reason, my joints have been aching slightly since the beginning of summer. I didn't pay much attention to it; I guess that's just how it is when you get older.
However, the pain is becoming increasingly unreasonable, sometimes waking me up in the middle of the night.
I didn't tell Mingcheng. He's just started to feel a bit better and is spending all his time in the attic organizing his old academic materials.
"I can just bear the pain."
……
[Monday, July 3, 2023, Thunderstorms]
It hurts even more now.
Mingcheng took me to the hospital, and the results were...very bad.
On the way home, he didn't say a word. I kept trying to comfort him, saying, "Everyone has to go through this. Mom has lived a long and fulfilling life..." But suddenly he pulled the car over to the side of the road, rested his forehead on the steering wheel, and his shoulders began to heave violently.
"Mom...I can't save you...I can't even save you..."
……
[Saturday, August 5, 2023, Night]
[It hurt so much, I couldn't sleep at all, and Mingcheng practically lived in the attic, his eyes bloodshot. He brought me various Chinese herbal decoctions and watched me drink them, his eyes fixed on my face, as if waiting for a miracle.]
Occasionally, I would see him staring blankly in the direction of the attic, his lips moving silently, as if arguing with something unseen.
……
[Tuesday, August 22, 2023, early morning]
[...he gave me a new "medicine".]
The pale blue powder mixed in the water had a peculiar sweet aroma. He watched me drink it, his fingers gripping the cup so tightly his knuckles turned white.
A miracle has occurred.
The excruciating pain that had tormented me for months quickly subsided... A light, warm sensation spread from my stomach to every part of my body. The world became soft and bright.
Mingcheng breathed a sigh of relief: "It's good that it worked... Mom, you should get some sleep."
This is the first good night's sleep I've had in months.
……
[Sunday, September 10, 2023, Cloudy]
The blue powder became my addiction.
The pain will return, only the sweet powder can bring relief, and there are also colorful dreams... In the dreams, the old man is still alive, Mingcheng is still the spirited doctor, and Xiaobao will always be so small.
Mingcheng is giving me the powder more and more frequently, and the dosage seems to be increasing. His complexion is getting worse, he spends most of his time locked in the attic, and the chemical smell on him keeps getting stronger.
Once, I caught him gagging in front of the sink, muttering, "No... why... side effects... I can't stop..."
I wanted to ask him a question, but my thoughts became scattered, and I had difficulty concentrating.
"Never mind, the child has his own difficulties."
……
[What day is it today, Thursday, September 28, 2023?]
Xiao Bao cried today.
He secretly climbed up to the attic, wanting to play with his father, but knocked over a small paper packet. Colorful powder scattered all over the floor, like spilled rainbow candy. Curious, he dipped his finger in and put some in his mouth…
When I rushed over, I saw Mingcheng frantically choking Xiaobao by the neck, trying to make him vomit. Xiaobao was terrified, his face turning purple, struggling and crying desperately.
"What did he eat?! Tell me!" Mingcheng roared at me, his eyes bloodshot, his gaze terrifyingly unfamiliar.
I froze, shaking my head blankly. It wasn't me... I didn't give it to them...
Mingcheng abruptly released Xiaobao, crouched down on the ground clutching his head, and let out a wild, mournful howl.
……
[October 2023 — (Date blurred, pages wrinkled, water stains causing text to bleed)]
Everything is in chaos.
I need powder, more and more. Pain? My bones are crawling with ants, my blood is boiling... Give it to me! Give it to me!
[…Xiao Bao is acting strangely too. Sometimes he sits blankly in the corner all day, his eyes vacant. Other times he suddenly screams and throws things. He's become emaciated, but his eyes are unusually bright, which gives me the creeps.]
Mingcheng wandered the house like a ghost. He tried to stop me from eating, to stop Xiaobao from eating. When he looked at me, his eyes were full of regret and pleading.
"Mom, I want you to live. You can't stop taking the medication. If you stop, it will cause..." he sobbed, "side effects... how do I get rid of this damn side effect! Give me just a little more time, I can...!"
It's raining tonight, with thunder rumbling. From the attic come sounds of slamming and muffled sobbing.
My head feels like it's going to split open. Those voices... those shadows... they're all talking...
The old man called me from inside the wall: "Xiulan...Xiulan..."
Mingcheng pleaded with me: "Mom...please..."
[Little Bao is crying: "Grandma...I'm scared..."]
[There's also the sweet scent of colored powder, everywhere you look.]
What should I do? Where is my son? What happened to my grandson?
……
(Several pages of diary entries are written in a chaotic manner, with large areas of scribbling and tear stains, and some sentences have been written repeatedly.)
……
My son is a bad son.
He made me eat those powders because he lacked live test subjects... If he could develop this powder, many critically ill patients would be cured, he would become a hero, and he could save lives again.
My son is a good son too.
He gave me this medicine to save me; otherwise, I would have died long ago. I also hope he can become a doctor again... If I were the only victim, and if he didn't harm others, I would be willing to be his guinea pig.
There was always a burnt smell in the attic. Mingcheng was spending increasingly longer periods in there, sometimes not coming down all night.
My son's birthday is coming up soon, and I'm praying that we can have a wonderful birthday like last year...
……
[The last clear memory?]
【fire. 】
[What a huge fire! It started in the attic.]
[There's thick smoke and screams, why is it burning?]
[Oh right, Mingcheng wouldn't give me candy anymore. He pushed me, and I knocked over some chemicals, and the house caught fire...]
What is Mingcheng shouting? I can't hear him.
[Xiao Bao...yes, where's Xiao Bao?]
Get out of here! Get out of here!!
[Chaos... I can't see anything... A dark figure keeps pushing me, damn it! Don't stop me from finding Xiaobao and Mingcheng! I grabbed the scissors from the table and stabbed the dark figure hard! Haha, don't think you can stop me from saving Mingcheng!]
Someone was pulling me out... with great force...
Is that Xiao Bao? Someone pushed me out the door...and Xiao Bao...he put Xiao Bao in my arms...
"Mom! Take the baby with you!!"
Where is he? Where is Mingcheng? I finally see clearly! Mingcheng turned and rushed back into the fire! He's going to the attic!
"My notes! My experimental equipment! My powder! I can change the world! No—! Don't be burned!!!" His voice was drowned out by the roar of the flames as he plunged headlong into the heart of the inferno.
It's so cold outside, and it's raining.
The house was burning, the flames illuminating half the sky. I finally crawled out, my hands and feet covered in blood, and collapsed in the rain, clutching my baby. The front door had collapsed, and I couldn't go back in. I stared blankly at the burning attic. The flames looked like a monstrous, menacing monster.
The building collapsed, and Mingcheng never came out again.
[Little Bao was in my arms, motionless, neither crying nor fussing. I shook him, but he stopped moving and smiling. He had many burns, wasn't breathing, and his face was charred black like a puddle of mud.]
My son...
My grandson...
【ah……】
……
(The next dozens of pages are filled with meaningless lines and repeatedly drawn fragmented words.)
……
[Mingcheng...]
【Xiao Bao…】
【fire……】
【medicine……】
【pain……】
【good……】
【Home……】
……
[Date: [Year] [Month] [Day], Early Morning]
The sky was gray the whole time.
Mingcheng is missing; he must have gone out.
He must be busy outside, researching how to cure me and Xiaobao.
He will succeed eventually. This time he definitely will.
……
[Date: Year, Month, Day, Night]
【today?】
[Xiao Bao is being naughty; he refuses to eat candy and runs around everywhere.]
We need to keep an eye on him. Once he's cured, Mingcheng will be happy.
The powder is almost gone, but Mingcheng will make more. He left the recipe. In the attic, in the attic…
……
[Date: Year, Month, Day, Night]
Someone is coming.
I saw someone peering through the fence today.
His silhouette...resembles Mingcheng in his youth.
Is it Mingcheng who's back? Or Xiaobao?
The house is too quiet. It needs some life.
I have "candy." It's sweet, and eating it will make the pain go away and make me happy.
[Mingcheng left behind many "candies".]
[If I share this with my "grandchildren," will they stay?]
A family should be together.
……
[Date: Year, Month, Day, Night]
They're here! They're here!
[Naughty! Always trying to run away!]
Why are you running away?! Grandma loves you! Here's some candy for you!
[If I don't eat sugar, my body aches a lot. But if I eat sugar made from powder, the pain will fly away!]
……
[Date: Year, Month, Day, Night]
Today! I saw my grandson again today!
He's not well-behaved at all! He avoids me! And he makes a lot of noise!
He's so anxious because he's sick. Don't be afraid, Grandma will cure you...
Grandma has a way! Grandma loves you! Grandma only takes care of you because she loves you!
Our family used to be so happy...
Mingcheng is almost there...almost there...he's just been too busy, that's why he hasn't been home. I haven't seen him at all...
Once our grandson is cured, we can...
[Then...]
……
The diary ends here, with the last few pages bearing dark red stains, like dried blood.
On the last page of the notebook, written with a force that almost tore through the paper, was a line of frantically twisted, irregularly sized words:
……
[Don't even think about leaving, my dear grandsons! Grandma loves you all, we'll always be together, our family reunited, fire burning, candy sweet! Is Mingcheng back?]
……
"Clap."
Just as I finished reading the diary, I heard footsteps behind me.
Su Ming'an closed the diary and pursed his lips.
He turned his head silently and saw an old eye in the crack of the wall behind him.